That First Mile

   After running long distance for more than 12 years you can get a little accustomed to certain things. It's just a matter of fact that some of your toenails are going to get that god awful black color and eventually fall off. It becomes so mundane that you even stop bothering to go to the podiatrist to have them removed. It still makes me a bit nauseous, but why pay someone to do something you can do yourself? Anybody other than a runner will think that this is gross. Sorry. 

   You start to refer to things in your neighborhood not by location but by how far they are from your house. Uncle Jim's house is 11.5 miles north, that pier where the fishing is good is three miles exactly that way and the post office is either 10 miles or 12.75 miles depending if you take the second side road on the right. Everything gets noted as a distance related to how far away they are when your running. 

   You also begin to look at your mileage in a different way. Gone are the early days of standing there awestruck at the finish line of your first 5K race amazed that you even finished. Gone is the sweaty satisfaction when you actually run for two hours straight for the first time. Gone are the feelings of being indestructible when you run six days out of seven without killing yourself in the process. 

   I'm a huge believer that anyone can learn to run any distance. It's one of the reasons that I started blogging and video podcasting; to encourage everyone that it is indeed possible to become a runner. All that you need is a sensible training plan, a little dedication and a goal. Runners are some of the most universally accepting athletes out there. We don't care about how fast you are, how far you can run or your athletic ability. But I'm the first to admit that there's a definite distinction between a newbie and veteran runner. That distinction for me was always in distances. I'd never dream of looking down on on a fellow runner who could only run a single mile. Even if you're a professional ultra marathon superstar who regularly wins 100 mile races, even you started out by just running a mere mile. It's where all of us came from.

   That being said I did have a certain amount of pride in the fact that over 12 years of hard dedicated training I developed my ability to run double digit mileage in a single day. When talking to family and friends about how far I was going to run or had run that day I'd say things like, "It was only ten miles." or "Hey honey, I'm going out for a quick 13 miler." Truthfully I never added the "only" or "quick" type words to brag. They were the honest truth. Sometimes one of the most difficult things to master when becoming a distance runner is that running the actual distance is usually much less daunting than the idea. If you can wrap your head around the fact that regular runners just like you and me routinely finish 100 miles races in 24 hours then you've won half the battle. Running long was something that I enjoyed and did well. I just got out there and did it. 

   I don't know if pride is the right term to use, but that sense of pride in being able to knock off long miles became something that was well, just fact. Over time I'd forgotten about that first incredible mile. How slow it was and how it brought me to my knees sweat dripping from everywhere barely being able to breathe. I'd forgotten the beginning. 

   Well there's nothing like a serious injury that sidelines you from even walking to make you remember that first glorious mile. My mind, my body and even my inner spirit had come to rely on what I used to get from all those long distance miles. Being without that has made the last few months difficult to say the least. When you can't even walk all that well you learn to appreciate not only other runners, but all the other things that go along with being healthy and active. You can't mow the lawn as fast as you once did. You have trouble sleeping because your damn body is used to having way more daily steps show on your FitBit. You can forget about having that extra beer or slice of pumpkin pie, unless you want to pack on some added pounds. You quickly discover how many things that you once took for granted are surprisingly related to your running.

   Last week Coach started getting serious with my training and we started adding additional mileage to my weekly schedule. Nothing crazy just an additional half-mile or mile here and there. When you have have big fat ZEROS for monthly mile staring back at you when you look at your training log though, one additional mile seems like a marathon. Like I said, getting over the mental aspect is huge if you want to go farther. So I shoved my fears in the little box and rolled with it trusting in Coach and all the re-hab and healing that I've done. 

   Last Saturday I ran for the first time outside since late August. It was slow, the pain in my right hip still holding me back. I've never told anyone this, but I oddly enjoy watching the seasons change the way my neighborhood looks when I go out for my runs. I'd missed the end of Summer and my favorite season, Fall. It was nice to notice some changes though. That beautiful colonial being built was pretty much completed, the beautiful daises that a neighbor planted next to her rock wall had gone to sleep for the Winter and I could see the Lake through the trees now that all the leaves have dropped. So many changes outside and within me.

   As I trotted back down my street my Garmin beeped; two miles non-stop. The furthest that I've run in a very, very long time. My hip actually loosened up a little bit towards the end. I even managed a few brief spurts at my old warm-up pace. Two miles used to be about how long it took me to warm-up. Now it's become my long distance run. I stood there for a minute hardly feeling the cold late November chill in the air. The early Winter sunsets that I once took for granted on my runs, like so many other things, were not going to be idly dismissed anymore. It was a beautiful, brilliant red sun and I basked in it for awhile.

   Went inside to find my wife and son putting up our Christmas decorations now that Thanksgiving was over. The fireplace was roaring, smelling amazing. They stopped for a moment as I walked into the living room both of them looking up at my sweaty face. My wife asked me how was it? I had to swallow hard as that huge lump welled up in my throat. "It was a good two miles."

   From this day forward, I will never take for granted this gift. I remember where I came from. I remember that first mile...  

Being Thankful

   As I sit here next to a roaring fire I wonder to myself where the heck did the summer go? It seems like just the other day that I was running outside in shorts sweating away! But this Summer and Fall have come and gone before I knew it. Sadly with them so did my running and my plans to run my hometown marathon and first two ultra-marathons. 

   I'd be lying if I said that everything is going the way that I'd like it to. The recovery process has been irritatingly slow. I've been injured before. When you're a distance runner you become accustomed to being in discomfort and pushing through it. But I can't push through this any faster than I am. Some days I can jump out of bed and life is good. Some days I need a semi-running start and things aren't as good. But I'm trying to keep everything in perspective; over two months ago I couldn't even walk out of my bedroom. I managed to run three 12:00 miles this week and re-started my favorite core-routines.

   Distance running can be a very lonely sport. Most of your training and racing will be without anyone else. That solitude is one of the reasons that I like it so much. Some sunrises should be marveled at all alone. But now more than ever I need encouragement. I somehow was lucky enough to pick up a running coach. I've been running now for over 12 years. Over that time I've learned many good skills. I know how to safely train for a marathon, work some cross-training into my weekly routine and purchase the right type of running shoes. But is there a better way to do things? Who's going to encourage me through this slow process of returning to distance running? And more importantly, who's going to get me to cut back when I've got too much enthusiasm or push me when I don't have enough? I think I've got that covered now. For the first time in my running career I'll have someone in my corner who actually knows what they're doing. 

   I'm so tired of hospital bills and doctor office co-pays it's not even funny. It seems like everyday that a new bill comes in the mail. But I'm lucky enough to live in a part of the state that has top of the line doctors in the field of my injury. I've even discovered a new chiropractor who's also a runner. It's nice to have someone who knows why you love to run and is using state of the art equipment to treat you. Finally I've got a PT recovery program that won't take half a day to complete. 

   There will be many more obstacles that I'll have to overcome. But on the eve of the day that we are supposed to remember the great things in our lives I find myself feeling very thankful. I'm back to work, feeling better, running again and have the most amazing set of family and friends rallying behind me. 

   Happy Thanksgiving my friends...   

        

National Hug A Runner Day

   As I rolled out of a way too comfortably warm bed today I checked my trusty Google Calendar to see what was on my agenda for my only day off this week. I was hoping that today wasn't the day, but there it was staring back at me scheduled for 12:30 PM. Today I was scheduled to meet with my spinal surgeon's PA to discuss my progress so far. So I did what I typically do when faced with something as stressful as I was sure this appointment would be, I blocked it out and proceeded to be the busiest dad, husband and Facebook friend that I could be. Mornings are always rushed here in the Sandman household, I just turned it up a little to keep my mind on other things. I made breakfast, cleaned up the kitchen, sent out texts, started some laundry, sent out some birthday wishes, liked a thousand posts, took care of the hounds, shoveled about two inches of the white stuff off the driveway (yeah, winter finally here) and managed to get Sandkid off to school! It's funny how productive a type A guy with minor OCD who's trying to block something out can be!

   Then it was off to the gym to get a workout in. The whole new having an actual coach thing is working out really good so far. I'm the type of guy who follows things to the letter. So maybe having a coach with as much experience and skill as Coach Judy has will channel that dedication into the correct path to get me not only up and running again, but make me better than before? You've gotta respect someone who's run for 29 years straight! And I thought 609 days was a long time! I wasn't sure how the online thing would work, but it's much easier than I expected. What was life before email and social media? I remember sitting at work computer for the first time many years ago filled with doubt that I'd ever learn how to use the thing. Now I'm sending my coach in Virginia scanned copies of my workouts via email and giving her updates on my progress through online chats. Yeah, I got skills! 

   The plan for this week's training was a combination of both of us. I got the clearance form Coach to restart my two favorite core workout routines. Only this time using better form and inserting some minor additions here and there. It felt strange to do the movements again after not not doing them for almost three months! Even the puppy looked at me on the carpet yesterday and said, "Dude, I thought you gave those up? You look ridiculous!" But the common theme I'm getting from many back injury specialists is to strengthen, strengthen, strengthen the core. So that's what I'm going to do! My chiropractor gave me his first exercise that he wants me to start doing since I've nixed my PT, the pelvic bridge. He wants me to work up to being able to hold it for 83 seconds. Holy crap I used to think I was in shape! Going to have to work on that whole time thingy!

   Coach wanted me to walk run just a mile three times this week trying to get up to 20 minutes of activity. The plan was to have this great big kickoff on Monday. But I got stuck for almost 16 hours at the hospital watching a badguy who had heart problems. Since the injury wearing a duty belt and body armor sucks royally. Sitting on hospital gurneys and bad chairs didn't help. I even had to cancel an appointment. So the big start happened on Tuesday instead. I was surprised as hell to knock out a 12 minute mile. I even managed to run at 5 MPH for the entire time! I can't put into words what it felt like to be able to run again. My mind, my body, everything felt like it was coming back online after being asleep for ages. My running shoes felt awkward as hell and it wasn't pain free. But it was a huge personal victory on a dark basement treadmill. I even managed to do it again today! 

   The doctor's visit went better than expected. Even after all the worrying. I was so afraid that I was going to get the "Surgery's the only option at this point." speech. I even wore a running top and shorts to make sure that she got the impression I'm getting better. It was like 20 degrees today with fresh snow on the ground; everyone looked at me like I was insane! Got the OK to slightly increase my nerve blocker medication if I need to and am scheduled for another visit in three months. Lots of questions and I've gotta say that I mentally feel better. There's so many negative people and information out there about this type of injury. But it's all bullshit! Surgery was discussed as an option in the future if it starts interfering with my life. She doesn't know that I'm probably the only patient who treated an extended sick leave due to a back injury as a vacation to do house improvement projects! I don't sit still!   

   As I walked out of the doctor's office my phone buzzed with a calendar reminder that made me smile. It was National Hug A Runner Day. It's been a long time. Lots of hard work. Lots of worrying. Lots of endless waiting. Sometimes you just have to put your head down, do the work and have faith that you'll finish the race. That is one hell of a difficult thing to do and this is one really freaking long race. But I'm doin it step by step. Got hugs from my wife and my little man when I got home; not because I'm a great husband or amazing father, but because I'm a runner...

   Happy National Hug A Runner Day my friends! Fast, slow, run-walker I give you a big virtual hug! So blessed that the miles continue to tick by and that the race continues...

A Comeback

   It's funny how when things seem so dark that a turnaround comes out of the blue. This week has been the incredible week that I needed in a lot of ways. It's been such a struggle here lately and it was finally nice to let some sunshine in.

   It appears that going back to work has done my back injury a bit of good. The three to four miles that I routinely walk during a shift have provided healing by bringing additional blood flow to my herniated discs. Still leaning a little. But definitely not as bad two weeks ago. Feel like I'm getting better everyday!

   I managed to actually run a whole mile! Funny when you consider that six miles was once my easy standard daily distance that I ran every day. But I'm not complaining. Even during that short distance I found myself slipping back into the old familiar routine. I felt old systems coming back online and for a brief time, it felt AMAZING! It felt really good to be back and feel like a runner again!

   After the momentous mile run I started thinking about what to do next. I've learned a lot through this experience and not surprisingly, I've got much more to discover. Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? This event has challenged many of the things that I've come to rely on as standard techniques, exercises and methods for training and running. I've always been a self taught distance runner. But maybe it was time to reach out and discover what else was out there. I contacted my friend Judy Mick to bounce some ideas off her. Judy's an amazing runner, author, coach and streaker. She's what I consider to be at the pinnacle of our sport. We met through FB when I started my running streak. She makes my 609 days of non-stop running look like a walk in the park. She's been doing it non-stop for many years. She gave me some good advice and out of nowhere, offered to coach me. To say that I was surprised is an understatement. For someone to offer their time and experience to make someone else better (that they've never met in person) is such a gift. To do it just because we're friends is even more amazing. I'm more than grateful.  

   I ran another non-stop mile today and met with a new chiropractor. I felt better today than I have in a very long time. Even managed a 5 MPH pace for a brief time. The new doc did something that three I've already talked with didn't, he explained everything that was going on with me. Made some minor adjustments and we made a new attack plan for my recovery. After my appointment I felt even better mentally and physically. 

   Comebacks don't always happen in fancy gyms, with state of the art equipment or during sensational big name races. Sometimes they happen in dark basements, on a sweaty treadmill to the sound of laundry washing while a lone lab sheep dog mix stares at some crazy guy raising his fist in victory to the Running Gods after running just a single, plain and slow mile. 

   Don't give up. Maybe the comeback you're looking for is right around the corner...    

   

Hell Of A Life

   It's been awhile since I've posted here. Not because I haven't wanted to. I actually started and deleted two previous attempts at posting. It's very difficult to put into words the thoughts, emotions and craziness that have been going through my life lately. I didn't want to turn this into a place where all I did was bitch about everything that's going wrong in my life either. I've always wanted this to be something to inspire others to unlock their true potential to be what they've always wanted regardless whether that's through running or not. 

   

   It's been challenging to feel inspiring when you go from proudly having a running streak lasting over 600 days and being on the verge of running your first 50K to not being able to even walk. I can deal with the running streak ending. It was only meant to last 366 days after all. I can deal with putting the idea of running a 50K on the Shelf of Future Stuff. Who wants to run a little over 30 miles anyways? But when you consider everything else that everyone doesn't see that I get from running, this unwelcome hiatus has been quite devastating.

   I used to think fellow co-workers who returned from an extended sick leave were completely insane when said they couldn't wait to get back to work. I don't think that's such a crazy concept anymore. Yeah it's great staying home still getting paid. Yeah it's great to have all the free time that you want. Yeah it's great to have the luxury of seeing your friends and family whenever you want. But there's things that I never considered too. I missed my friends at work and feeling like I had value in the world. All that free time gets really old when you have nothing to do and can't get around without any pain. I'm totally screwed when I retire and I will never mumble under my breath again when I'm stuck behind a slower person at the grocery store. Sure you have nothing to do but your friends and family still have their lives. The world doesn't stop when you do. There were so many boring days that when I did finally talk to or see my friends and family I overwhelmed them a bit. The worst of it all was the time to think about the worst possible outcomes of my current condition. It was and to a much lesser extent still now consuming me. The pain's always a constant reminder that it's there. Some days made me feel like I was Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. 

   I tried to do a lot of research and reach out to other back injury suffers. But that wasn't such a great thing. I read a lot of horrible stories, met some people who were mere shadows of who they once were and got the hell scared out of me. I was afraid that I was going to become addicted to pain medication, have endless, pointless surgeries and have to walk away from running and my career forever. 

   I tried to throw myself into my re-hab. My therapist in my opinion was a little too eager to feed that obsession. I got up to doing an hour and a half of strength and flexibility exercises a day. I was gaining strength but I was beating the hell out of myself while doing it. I'm the kind of person who will follow instructions to the letter. But I was getting really sick of killing myself at something that didn't seem to be working. It was so depressing to log two zero miles of running in my running log for the last two months.  

   I tried to use all my new found free time to attack some home improvement projects that have been waiting in the wind forever. Only I would take an extended sick leave into a chance to redo my kitchen. I got a lot of stuff done. It wasn't wasn't easy and it took me more time than I wanted because of the pain. It looked great but it was getting out of control. When you're out sick you can't work OT to feed the project's bankroll. 

   I'm not afraid to admit this, but many times things were so dark. Sometimes they still are. When I was younger and obese food was something that I took comfort in when I was stressed. This carried over into my adulthood as a runner. But all those miles helped to combat the stress of life and the extra calorie binge that happened every now and then. Only now there were more binges than usual and nothing to help with the extra calories or stress. After many discussions with my wife, who's a therapist, I started going to a psychiatrist to help maintain my sanity. I was having a lot of scary thoughts. The guy's amazing and specializes in helping members of the law enforcement community. It was nice to have someone to talk too and offer a different perspective. 

   I decided that I needed to go back to work to restart a normal life. I was able to stand now and walk. Got cleared by my doctor and the department's doctor to return to work full duty status. Inside I still felt weak and vulnerable. But I didn't have an endless amount of sick days either. I needed to go back. 

   The first week of being back at work is in the books. I knew it was going to be challenging and tough. My uniform fit like garbage because I've gained some weight. The gunbelt that once was just something that I wore became a pain in my side, literally. I typically daily walk over three miles when I'm at work and it was challenging to have to do that again. Holy crap I never realized how much walking that is! My entire life I've had a minor foot impediment that causes my left foot to slightly turn in. The back pain is causing my body to shift to the left. This is a common symptom of a back injury and happens involuntary. Those two things coupled together have garnered much attention from bad guys and co-workers alike. It gets really old hearing about how I'm leaning the 1000th time. The constant reminder sucks. The naysayers who assured me that my injury was from running and told me to give it up weren't very helpful or educated about what I'm going through. The injury has nothing to do with running, running actually increases blood flow and healing and makes it feel better. I'm worried some of my supervisors will force me to go back on sick leave or light duty too because of the visible leaning. I sure as hell don't want to go back out sick and certainly don't want to get moved to the 3PM-11PM or 11PM-7AM shifts on light duty either. I was nervous as hell and all of these things just made that worse.

   But my friends made the transition back easier and my self esteem grew as the week passed. After talking with a friend who's a supervisor I changed some things around. We were talking about how some people suffering from back injuries let it define them and how they can use that as an excuse to never return to something like running. I don't know why, but it hit home when he said, "When you're ready you'll just do it." 

   I started strictly enforcing taking my nerve medication and OTC pain medication, not just when I needed it. I religiously started using ice and my TENS machine again. Only I would pick the week that I return to work to start learning how to run again with my therapist's walk-run program! Again I think that it's a little too aggressive. So I rearranged some of the steps and I'm happy to report that for the last three days the visible shifting is gone. Only I notice the minuscule shift when I stare back at myself in the mirror. Last night I walk-ran a little over a mile and it felt damn good. Yes there was pain but it was manageable and for some reason felt like something that won't last. It took me twice as long as what used to be an easy slow warm-up mile. But a little over a mile is a little over a mile. It still counts and felt like a new beginning. I also felt like writing here again.

   Facing your own worst fears and your worst critic, yourself is incredibly scary. It makes you question who you are and where you're going. But the past in the past. The future is unwritten. It won't be easy. But if there's one thing I'm good at it's putting my head down and pushing on. Call it blind faith that through hard work anything is achievable. Nothing is for certain. I could never run again or I could. Maybe this is the defining moment that few blessed people get to experience in their lives that give them inspiration to do amazing, positive things. I've learned some things that only could be taught through an event like this. It's a hell of a life. But I'm going live it one mile at a time.        

The Power Of Writing It Down

   

   Here we are my friends and my favorite time of year has finally arrived in upstate NY, Fall! For those of you who live in the warmer parts of the country, I pity you! Well, maybe not by the time February creeps along with the never-ending drudgery of Winter. But seriously you're missing out on some of the best running weather on the planet and breathtaking views of Fall foliage. I love this time of year. It never seems to last long enough for me. It's been cruel and unusual punishment for me to not be running out there right now. But there will be other Falls to enjoy.

   With all this extra time on my hands I decided to put it to some good use and did something that I've been trying to do for a while, I reorganized my training log. That sucker's been with me from the beginning and has all sorts of information about me, my running and racing spanning my entire 13 year journey. It's frankly amazing that I still have it. It's survived several moves, accidental deletions and even a Gatorade spill or two. When the IT people of the world ramble on and on about saving your important data in many different formats in many different places, take their pesky know-it-all advice and make the effort. After too many close calls, these days my juicy running secrets are saved in at least four different locations. I've learned to not take chances with my Holy Grail. 

   So there I was obsessively going over the thing the other night. Through the years I've tried some stock programs but I always keep coming back to my self-created Excel worksheet. I like it because it's mine, easy to use and of course has a lot of history. You can pick any date going all the way back to December 1, 2002 and I could tell you what time I ran, how far, the weather conditions and even what shoes I wore. It's become sort of a diary of my life too. I've written something in it pretty much everyday. Sometimes it's more about my life than running. The funny part is that I rarely look back and read my notes. That night I took the time and went back to the beginning. 

   Back to December 8, 2002 when I ran one of my first long runs. I laughed out loud as I read the notes for the day. "10 miles. Felt like shit. My nipples damn near felt like they rubbed off." Ah the glory of discovering what chaffing is for the very first time! That shit can bring a grown man to his knees! 

   Back to April 20, 2005 when my newly born son and I had our first run together. I can still remember the crisp chill in the air. I bundled him up in three different sets of winter clothing. I don't think he could move his legs or arms, but at least he was warm. "5.25 miles. It felt good to run outside just for fun with him for the first time. Didn't get a lot of sleep though." I called myself zombie runner that year. Newborns and sleep don't go hand in hand. I still don't know how I managed to run with my eyes shut!  

   Back to September 23, 2012 when I finally broke the four hour wall in a marathon. I remember that it was just the perfect day for a marathon. "26.2 miles in 3:56:37. History was made!" I remember crossing that finish line, my iPod randomly shuffling to my all time favorite running song. What a rush to accomplish something that I'd been trying to do for 10 years. 

   Pretty cool stuff. Especially when your on the injured list and feeling like your never going to be able to run again. Let's look at some of the reasons why having a training log can help you become a better runner. 

   Organization. Some people are good at managing their time. Some aren't. I happen to be very good at making what little free-time that I do have count. But as I've gotten older things have gotten pretty crazy. Things come up as your responsibilities grow. Throw in the added pressure of training for a marathon and your head will spin. Having a training log will help you organize your workouts so that you know what you're going to do and when you should be doing it. It'll also help you have some flexibility when unexpected things come up. Even new runners quickly realize that there's more to running a race than just getting out the door or hitting the treadmill everyday. Specificity rules our world and it's nice to have something to make order out of all the chaos.  

   Mileage. If you're a runner then you obviously like to run. But sometimes too much of a good thing can be bad. Even the elite runners of our sport don't put up 100+ mile weeks all year long. They track their mileage and make adjustments according to their specific plans and goals. Sometimes running can become super addictive. It feels great and you can want that all the time. The urge to do it more often and longer can be very strong. But to become a better runner training should progress more slowly than you'd think. Tracking your mileage with a training log will give you solid numbers to work with as a guide. It'll also help you track mileage that you put on your shoes. Unfortunately the things don't last forever.  

   

   Slumps. Everyone has them. It's cold outside, raining, snowing, you don't feel like going for a run. Sometimes runners can become complacent with their training. After running the same speed, distance or workout for weeks at a time your body naturally adjusts. Everything will be easier and sometimes you'll like it that way. No hard work and just some coasting. That's OK for short periods. But what happens when it becomes a prolonged period of time? Keeping a training log will help you identify why you've fallen into a slump and how long you've languished there.  

   Improvement. On the same line as with slumps, having a training log can show improvements that you've made. The physical changes that happen when you become a runner are very slight at first. Your body adjusts and it's hard to notice the changes in yourself. But when viewed over a long time-frame those changes can be incredible to look at. A training log can help you to identify the things that helped you make those improvements. The more information that you put in your notes, the easier it'll be to see what works for you. It could be your pace work, your diet, your daily amount of sleep all contributing to your new successes. If you don't track it you may just overlook it altogether. 

   Accountability. Sometimes the weather will be shitty, you'll have to stay late at work or your running partner will cancel last minute. Things come up. That's life. But you can't just wing it all training season when training for longer distance races. Unless you're a highly experienced runner, you need to put in the training to go the long distances. Having a training log will hold you accountable to that training. I can't tell you how terrible a blank day looks to me when I look at my log. It almost screams at me to go out and get some miles under my belt. A training log can help motivate you and keep yourself honest. It'll help you follow through on your training so you show up to the starting line of your race strong and healthy. Good things come to those who work their asses off.   

   Confidence. My confidence has been in the tank since this crazy thing with my back. So many days of not running have left me feeling like I'm sham. I'm supposed to be this big-time runner to everyone who knows me. But here I am still unable to get out there. I really needed to get my head out from may ass and taking a good long look at my log helped me do that. Looking back I've run over 66 different races logging over 27,000 miles. As I went through the years I was amazed at how far I've really come. Yes, there are days with nothing logged but big fat zeros. But there were some incredibly high mileage weeks. Yes, there were weeks of boring flat numbers. But there was hard data showing 25 lbs. of weight loss, steady improvements and long stretches of double digit running. Yes, there were times on injury where I felt like it was the end of the world (a lot like now). But it also showed how gradual, steady, slow recovery brought me back stronger and better than before. Trials I'd long beaten and forgotten came back to me. Getting injured is part of any adult athlete's life. It happens no matter what you do. Having a training log will give you the confidence that you'll heal to run another day. Looking over 13 years I noticed way more victories than defeats. Having my younger self smack me around a little did much to boost my attitude. Glad that I had that reference to look back on.       

   Fun. After a while having a training log sort of takes on a life of it's own. It grows and grows. It's fun to have all of that data to play with. It's cool to be able to say that I've run around the planet distance wise. It makes me feel like a superstar to look at my times and note that my older self has been much faster than my younger. 609 days of running in a row is more of an accomplishment for me than all the races I've finished. Having a training log will give you some funny stuff to look back on and bragging rights for a lifetime.   

   So if you don't have a training log think about starting one. It'll give your a lot to think about, obsess about and laugh at. There's pros and cons to paper ones versus computer based ones; and prefab ones versus self-made. It's your preference. If you'd like a basic format to work with I'd be glad to help you get started. If you already have one let me know what you use. I'm always looking for ways to improve mine.

   It's been a good week. I'm not going to talk about it yet because I don't want to jinx anything! Training logs can make you quite superstitious too! So instead ,I'll leave you with some poetry:

Something stirring deep down inside, 

Not yet come to the surface, 

The call of the road is strong & not forgotten, 

Not pain, Not fear,

Not sweat, Not tear,

Nothing will be able to hold it back,

One foot in front of the other,

Slowly it will begin anew... 

   

One With The Old Man

   Today was an odd day of sorts. 24 years ago on this day my father passed away from brain cancer. It was one of the most challenging things that I've ever gone through. Over the course of nine months I watched my dad, who was this tall, strong, fearless guy wither away to almost nothingness. In the end his mind and body were a mere shadow of the amazing man that he was. It was a point in my life that would define the person that I am today. That single event took me on the longest journey. Luckily with a little help I climbed my way out of nastier sections and eventually decided to honor the man that was my father by following in the family business of law enforcement. I proudly wear his badge number today. 

   As children we look to our parents as the ideal type of people that we should strive to be when we grow up. But as we get older we begin to notice that our parents aren't perfect. Even they have their faults. My dad had his demons and was far from a saint. But I choose a long time ago to forgive the faults and embrace the man that he was.

   I've never admitted this to anyone, but one of the reasons that I took up long distance running was because, when compared to dying of brain cancer, running a marathon is a piece of cake. The man had the stamina to last nine months of drugs, chemotherapy and radiation treatment. If he could do that, then I could last 26.2 miles in a foot race. I dedicated my first race to him and his tenacity.     
   Through the years after his passing I've done many different things on this day. I've wallowed in grief that he wasn't still here, toasted him one too many at his favorite bar and spent the day fishing like we used to when I was young. Today my son ran a mile long race with his classmates for school. Since being out sick from work I've really enjoyed the extra time with him. Gone are the pressures of time, training and work. I've become a bus driver some days, a school teacher on others and a tutor on our patio. Needless to say I jumped at the opportunity to spend this morning with him as a volunteer on the course. 

   The race was run at a local park called North Ponds. We actually used to live in a set of apartments that backed up to it. It's a beautiful park that has a one mile paved trail that encompasses two gigantic ponds. In my opinion it's one of the nicest places to walk or run. Especially during the Fall. When the leaves are at their peak, it's just breathtaking. 

   Woke up early to get my PT exercises in, got the little guy on the bus and headed over to the park. I showed up on time and found out where I was supposed to be stationed. It was really nice to see so many volunteers there as well as the local Fleet Feet running the finish line. Very organized other than where to initially meet up with your school's gym teachers. 

 It was a beautiful Fall day and while chatting with a neighbor who's daughter was also running, the buses started arriving. It wasn't just my son's fourth grade class, but all the district's fourth grades running the race. Lots of kids everywhere! 

   Up until today it seemed like the second round of spinal injections had really helped ease some of the inflammation on the pinched nerve. But standing for two hours cheering all the kids on was rough. I gritted through it and got to see him run on by. He was all business, but I did at least get a smile and a wave. Watching him and so many other kids pushing themselves today made me smile. What incredible effort!

   Caught up with him at the finish line. What a man he's growing into. He's already so tall, probably going to be as tall as his grandfather was. It seems like overnight he went from this tiny little bean to almost a teenager in size. It's been amazing watching him become what he is today. I tried not to embarrass him too much in front of his friends and left a short time later. 

   I would've loved the opportunity to run with him today. But today just wasn't my day. There will be other races with him. Standing in the bright sunlight I watched him as he turned the corner near where I was stationed. If you squinted hard enough you could almost see a really tall man with an old Irish cap running alongside him.    

   Sometimes it's worth it to sit out a race. Miss you pop. Thanks for running with him today...

GUTR Sweatband Review

   

   Ever since I was a young boy I realized that I wasn't like other people in many different ways. I liked anchovies on my pizza, I found the smell of gasoline oddly pleasant and I sweated like a pig wrapped in cellophane sitting in a sauna whenever I exercised. Not a pretty sight for a short little chubby kid trying to survive his way through sixth grade gym class!

   As I got older and fitter I discovered that my mutant ability to profusely sweat diminished a little with the extra weight gone. But when I took up running I discovered that it was still with me. Whenever I went on any run lasting more than a mile I sweated a little more than average. 

   I know that sweating is a gross topic but it's something that we all have to deal with. You can deny it all you want! Ha! Whether you're a distance runner or not sweating is perfectly normal. It's your body's natural way to regulate internal temperature and also serves to flush toxins out of your system. Most people sweat in response to warm temperatures, exercise and stressful situations. I was lucky because I wasn't someone with the medical condition of "Hyperhidrosis". When you have this condition you sweat even without the typical conditions present. My problem was just that when I did sweat, there was buckets of the stuff to go around. I've always been the generous type!

   When I started to train for my first marathon I went on some really, really long runs. Some of them lasting two, three or even four hours. Because of the length of these runs I started to have to modify some of the things that I wore because of my sweat. 

   Regular cotton clothing just didn't work anymore because it soaked up all of the sweat like a dry sponge. I had to buy all new sweat wicking clothing. These days this type of clothing has become the standard for most athletes, runner or not. I never see anyone rocking the cotton stuff anymore unless they're some cagey veteran from the start of the running boom. Dude, if you can pull off cotton shorts, more power to you! I'm not that guy!

 Another thing I started doing was applying things like band aids, smearing petroleum jelly and shaking talcum powder in all the wondrous places that I chaffed. For those of you who haven't experienced the awesomeness of chaffing, well then you haven't truly lived! You'd think that a small piece of clothing simply rubbing against your body is no big deal. But you throw in a little extra sweat and have it rub for let's say five hours straight, then you have a real freaking problem! It's a tricky thing to avoid unless you're experienced enough to know the target parts it can occur on your own body. Unfortunately it's different from person to person and even different from clothing item to item. The only surefire way to figure it out is with damned painful trial an error. With my copious amounts of sweat I've had chaffing almost everywhere on my body. Bloody nipples that looked like matching gunshot wounds. Marks on my back that looked like I was whipped on a prison boat. Bloody inner thighs that looked like a midget boxer used my private parts as a punching bag. Who said running wasn't a bloody sport? Not fun! Even more delightful when you don't know you have it until you step into the shower and start washing. When water and soap mixes with your sweat the sensation is like razor blades on your newly chaffed parts. Lot's of swearing in the shower after long races! I now use some great products like Body Glide which is similar to petroleum but much less greasy; and Squeaky Cheeks which is similar to talcum powder but an incredible product that lasts much, much longer. I've got it down to such a science that I rarely have to deal with this issue anymore thank God!

   So I've made all of these changes and have a fairly good handle on my sweating problem. But there was one aspect of it that continued to elude me until this summer. What to do about the problem of sweat running into my eyes when I'm out there running for half a day? Sure wearing a running hat, cap or headband can help. But eventually they too reach a point where they're too soaked to be effective anymore. I got skin cancer a few years back so I don't dare run outside any more without sunscreen. When you mix sunscreen with the sweat running down your head it can completely blind you for the remainder of your run. I've tried everything to stop this. I've used sunscreen in spray, lotion and stick form and tried applying it different ways on my face. But it's always a constant problem. Typically it ruins my eyes so badly that I can't wear my contacts for the rest of the day and they hurt until the following morning. I can't tell you how irritatingly dangerous it is to be 10 miles from home and practically blind. It's amazing that I haven't run into a tree of moving car yet! 

   Up until recently the only solution was to run without sunscreen on my face. Which really isn't a solution and too dangerous. I decided to do a little research online and discovered something called the GUTR sweatband. It's not like a typical sweatband for two reasons: Instead of being made of a sweat wicking or absorbing material it's made of high quality silicone. The other difference is that it has a small channel that catches sweat running down your forehead that then re-directs the sweat away from your eyes to the sides of your head where it runs down to your chin. Very similar to the way a roof gutter re-directs rainwater. Hence the clever product name! It retails for about $20 US and comes in white, black and blue colors. It attaches with velcro and is adjustable, so one-size fits all. The company also makes slightly more expensive versions for industrial and military use. I liked the simplicity of the product. It makes sense. I liked the fact that it wasn't fabric. In my opinion, nothing that's made of fabric is going to work well as a sweatband for distance runners. I loved the price. If it didn't work well, I wasn't out a ton of money. 

   Luckily for us northeastern distance runners this summer wasn't really a summer at all. It didn't last very long here. But when it was hot in the earlier part of the summer, it was really hot and humid. Prime sweating conditions for longer runs. I got a chance to put this headband through it's paces. To be honest, I was expecting this it to be OK for an average person. But not work all that well for a person like me. Well I was pleasantly surprised. 

   The PROS: This product did exactly what it was supposed to. Run after run it did a very good job of directing sweat away from my eyes. It was comfortable and didn't slide down my forehead when I applied it properly. It didn't cut my circulation off and the material didn't wear at all. It was very comfortable. After a few runs I didn't even realize that I was wearing it anymore. 

   The CONS: Every time that I put the thing on to go out for a run my wife and son couldn't help but laugh. I must admit that while wearing it I looked like an extra from some space alien aerobics movie. Even when wearing the white model it did manage to stand out quite a bit. So there I was sneaking out into my garage before my run to put the dang thing on to avoid the cynical laughter. After some trial and error I discovered that it could be easily hidden when I wore my running visor and sun glasses. Some minor adjustments were needed with how I wore them on my head but nothing major. Even runners should have some fashion sense! I'd look ridiculous wearing this on a treadmill inside the gym! Even I have standards! I found that while it did a great job directing the sweat away from your forehead, if you jumped, veered or looked straight down that some of the collected sweat would fall out of the channel. This could be a problem for a cyclist. It's made to fit underneath a cycling helmet, but when you lean forward to get more aerodynamic the sweat could  possibly fall out. I didn't test this theory. It usually fell onto the outside of my glasses and away from my eyes when this rarely happened. The only other thing I can say is that it doesn't do anything about the sweat that can sometimes collect on spots below the band. But hey, nothing's perfect. 

   Overall I was very impressed with this product. It's price, material and performance were all well worth the money. I'd even pay a little more than retail for it. If you live in a warmer climate and or have a sweating issue consider trying the GUTR headband. It's a cheap fix that may make the hot, humid, long and sweaty ones a little safer and more comfortable! Let me know if you give it a try. I'd love to hear your take!

   Still pluggin away at my PT exercises. Sometimes they feel like they're not doing anything at all. I know they probably are so I'm keepin the faith. I came across a neat little new machine at my gym called the AMT Stride Right. It's similar to an elliptical machine but it adjusts to your stride throughout your workout. I discovered that if I pushed it that it was similar to running in weightlessness. I'm getting really tired of walking on the treadmill. So this new machine felt freaking amazing! Go for my second round of x-ray guided steroid injections tomorrow. Hopefully it'll speed the healing process despite the pain of the procedure. Love pulling my shorts down halfway so a room full of strangers can do the procedure. Gotta remember to "polish" my tramp stamp area before I leave tomorrow! Really frustrated and worried with not being able to stand straight. But I'm working as hard as I can. It's still weird being home this much. My Type-A personality is enjoying getting some things done around the house. It was kind of a downer today because it was the running of the Rochester half and full marathon. I was supposed to run the full this year as a training run for the ultra. The weather really sucked with heavy rains. So at least my record of never running a marathon in the rain still stands! I'm the kind of guy who works hard when I have a goal set before me. Despite all the depressing stories, despite the pain, despite all the feelings of hopelessness and frustration, mark my words, I'm going to run again. This bullshit of giving up running after having herniated discs isn't going to work for me. If you happen to run Rochester next year, look around at the start line. You may just find a familiar face who's got one hell of a comeback story...      

       

   

   

   

      

      

   

Rumble Roller Review

   

   So with all of this new found free-time I decided to get something that I've been keeping my eye on for quite some time. In the back section of my local Dick's Sporting Goods store there's a section where they have yoga mats, fitness balls and other items devoted to fitness recovery. Among these are the standard foam rollers ranging from the softest white ones all the way up to the hardest black ones. Ha, and you thought the different colors were for ascetics! Among these plain looking rollers was something that looked like a foam roller. But was more akin to something that was the evil offspring of a foam roller and medieval torture device. It was called a Rumble Roller and retailed for about $70 US for the full length version. Which is the reason that I haven't bought one sooner. The price is a little steep. You could buy two regular black rollers for the price of a single Rumble roller. Anxious to do everything that I can to help heal this back injury, I forked up the extra cash.   

   Long ago I fell in love with the practice of foam rolling. The premise is simple: depending on your accepted degree of pain tolerance the roller simulates a deep tissue massage. Deep tissue massaging kneads your body's trigger points, increases muscle blood flow and stimulates healing. These concepts aren't new and have been used by professional athletes for quite a long time. I said accepted degree of pain tolerance because to be frank, foam rolling hurts a lot. But it hurts so good! The abuse that I've taken from my roller has helped me stay relatively injury free and brought me back from the brink of a ruined season more than once. In fact, after some excessively boring minutes rolling the section of my hip that has the pinched nerve from my herniated discs I've gotten some very good preliminary results. It may be just what I need right now. 

   So back to the Rumble Roller. As you can see from the picture it resembles a standard roller but with knobby spikes. They come in two different lengths, 31" and 12" and come in two different colors, black being the firmest, blue being least firmest. There are no other available sizes and the full size model is five inches shorter than a standard roller length. You don't need the extra length. They're more than long enough to get the job done. Unlike standard rollers there's only the two levels of firmness to choose from. Not a lot of options for something so expensive. The company claims that their roller's spikes cause the it to go deeper and reach areas that flat rollers can't.  

   The roller's made of good quality plastic and exceptionally strong. There was a slight "new car" smell that wasn't unpleasant. Much heavier than a standard roller. It could double as a nice home defense weapon if you can't find your baseball bat last minute! 

   There was a small instruction booklet that came with it that showed various different rolling positions for several general muscle groups. Foam rolling isn't rocket science and in my opinion very easy to do. Some basic research on YouTube can show you some tips and tricks. But it's basically all variations of the same thing, rolling back and forth. The company recommends that people "experienced" with rolling only use the back model. I'm not sure what qualifies someone as an "expert foam roller". Maybe there's a merit badge out there that I'm unaware of?

   My first try of the roller was a little comical. After using my black one for so long I wasn't expecting to find the new one all that painful. Holy shit I was wrong! I screamed like a little girl! I could roll from now until next year on my IT bands on my old roller. I could barely stand 15 seconds on the new one. Those spikes definitely lived up to the company's claim of deeper penetration. Some areas were less painful to roll than others. It did a really good job of beating me up. I was too damn happy to get off the ting to tell if it did what it was supposed to. 

   After using it for several days my opinion is that it doesn't do a very good job of actually rolling the intended muscle. Yes, it's painful and yes, occasionally it does hit a trigger point that a flat roller probably wouldn't. But it doesn't knead the muscle as it's rolled. That's the whole reason I've opted to return mine. To be fair, the less firm blue model might have functioned more like something that I wanted. But in my opinion you'd be better served buying a cheap tennis ball to lay on to work out hard to reach trigger points. It's a cool looking, but that's about it. 

   Hope everybody's doing well. I'm still diligently wading through my PT exercises hoping to heal quicker than it's probably actually going to take. I hope you give foam rolling a try. Hope this saves you some time and money. Let me know what you think if you give it a go. Have a great day!

PT Is Hard As Hell

   Deep down inside I've always had a ton respect for the people who I've see either training at my gym or running out on the roads who clearly have some sort of disability. Whether that's obesity, an injured limb or other physical limitation I always tried to be patient with them and gave them the extra time they needed. Now that I'm sort of one of them with my "Leaning Tower of Pisa" stature doing my own PT exercises, I have even more respect than before. 

   It's really entertaining to not be able to do simple things that you once could. It's hard to not laugh sometimes when these situations come up. I'll never take for granted being able to stand straight, run just a single mile or bend down to tie my running shoes. But I'm gonna get that stuff back. Just wait!

   Another thing that I find hilarious is that when I do all of my required PT in the gym and walk, that I'm still there my usual length of time when I'm healthy. But the degree of difficulty is much lower. Even with the less challenging routine than I'm used to it's hard as hell. It hurts so much that when I'm done I'm shaking and sweating like a champ. My dedication was strong this week and I didn't miss a workout. The more I put into it, the more I'll get out of it. I don't think any of them got easier as the week went on. They just stayed the same, hard. I think that maybe walking an hour was a little too much because by the end of the week I was a cripple again and my spirits plummeted as a result. After some chastising from my "much smarter than me" wife, I relented and started taking the prescription pain and nerve medication again. She raised a lot of good points, chief among them was that the meds will allow my body to relax from the pain and take the added pressure off my non-injured muscles. I must admit that by today they did seem to help. They're not opiates or anything. But I just don't want to get addicted to something. I guess I just have to trust my doctor. 

   I've been keeping myself busy with minor things that have been on my to-do list since like forever. But the boredom is well, incredibly boring. I'm like a lonely puppy dog when my son gets off the bus or my wife wakes up. I think that I'm driving them a little nuts too. After 15 years working an un-regular law enforcement schedule it's hard to go back to a M-F normal life. But it does have it's incredible moments. The extra time I've gotten to spend with my family has been precious. 

   On Tuesday I'll be heading back to see my PT therapist. I'm really hoping she's got some different things for me to try, is impressed with my hard work and can explain to me why I'm leaning so much. On a couple of days I over-extended myself. Gotta try to nip that in the butt. If my back keeps on maintaining it's current level of pain, then I think that I'm going to go through with a second round of x-ray guided steroid injections in another week. They were incredibly painful. But offered a bit of relief. So it'll be worth the pain.

   I joined a FB group for back pain suffers. I know how cliche that sounds. But the group's been amazingly supportive. It's nice to have someone to talk to who has as much free-time as me and similar injuries. I was pretty down on myself about this whole situation and my wife along with them smacked me around back into my senses. I've made good progress in a very short time as everyone's pointed out. The outstanding theme is TIME. It's just going to take time for this to heal. Unfortunately patience isn't one of my strong suits. Which is funny because I've trained a gazillion weeks and months to run my 12 marathons. You'd think I'd be good at it. But I'm pathetically a novice.  

   To combat the stress and frustration I've started to do some research on meditation. I'm no stranger to alternative schools of medicine and thinking. I dabbled with mediation when I practiced Hatha yoga years ago. I've got some basic skills but this situation requires more than I know. I've been in touch with my friend Adam, aka Zen Runner, about this. He's one of the inwardly strongest people that I know and he's not called Zen Runner for nothing. Thanks bro for being there when I really needed you! I'll be putting in some time this week to look inside myself a little more. Something that I need to do. I've kind of taken the attitude that this situation was thrust on me so that I can do just that, make myself a stronger person inside. I already know how to work on the outside!  

   I hope that you had a great week. I look forward to more hard work this week and hopefully more improvements. I'm still not giving up. Saw this and thought that it was perfect for this week: 

     "Difficult times disrupt your conventional ways of thinking and push you to forge better habits of thought, performance and being." Robin Sharma

   Good stuff! Have a great week and let me know how you let your hair down and relax after a long day!

   

Stranger & Slower

It's been a good first day. I was nervous about how I'd feel this AM after being off the prescription nerve and pain medication for two days now. But apparently it wasn't making much of a difference because I didn't feel worse. Good news because the stuff was keeping me up all night long. I'm not fun when I have insomnia.

   I got my son on the bus and tried not to think about how much I was feeling intimidated about getting back into the gym to start my PT recovery. Even though it's only been like two and a half weeks since I've been able to do any physical activity, it felt like a lifetime after just wrapping up a running streak that lasted over 600 days. I tried to put all those non-running days behind me as I drove to the gym. 

   Saw some of the regulars and caught everybody up on why I've been so absent recently. Knowing head shakes were exchanged all around. Further proof that as endurance athletes age, we occasionally break too. Everyone of us seems to have similar stories of crippling injures that sideline us for a period of time. Forefront on my mind was that how hard I work at my assigned PT exercises would determine how quickly and completely I'd recover and get back to what I considered normal. I was anxious to get started because it would mean getting better sooner.     I said my good byes and instead of heading outside for a run, jumping on a treadmill or hitting the weight area like usual, I went over to the open mat stretching area which I've jokingly nicknamed the "place where old distance runners go to die". In place of a Garmin on my wrist or weight-lifting gloves I carried copies of my exercises and a looped stretching rope. Not the usual equipment indeed.     The Y that I belong to usually isn't too busy in the mornings. But of course the mat area was busier than usual on THIS morning. I was hoping to score a spot in one of the corners out of everyone's way where I could take my time and become familiar with the different exercises. But I had to set up smack dab in the middle. Dang. I'm one of those people who likes to be inside my own head when I train. I hated being in the middle like that. But I put my headphones on, cranked up my running playlist to a point when I couldn't hear the background noise of people socializing and began to wade through my exercises.    I'd already been through the entire routine in the PT center with my therapist yesterday. But to do them yourself, making sure that you're preforming them correctly, for the correct number of reps and sets requires more concentration. I felt like a gigantic, awkward pink elephant the entire time. Some of them were easier than others. The ones that had me doing any kind of a back bend were very painful. But my therapist said that's part of the deal and I'm no stranger to the "no pain, no gain" mindset. Surprisingly I sweated my ass off in the airy room. Instead of breaking the exercises up into two sessions a day I opted to do one complete run through followed by a second. That way my nights will be freed up. All in all it took me about an hour and a half to do them both. Hopefully as times goes by I'll get a little more proficient and less awkward which will reduce the time frame. Felt very strange to not do my usual things.    Along with the exercises my therapist recommended some walking too. No running just yet. Not that I think that I could do that comfortably right now. My son was in school and my wife was asleep, she works midnight's. So I didn't have anything better to do other than work some more. I wasn't sure how long I'd last after putting my lower back through the ringer. But I was willing to give it a good try. I hoped up on a treadmill and managed to walk at a little over 2 MPH pace for an entire hour. I knocked out a little over two miles. A far cry from my typical hour long distances and much slower than my typical 9:00 mile pace. But surprisingly for as bad as my lower back felt at the beginning, it felt better at the end! Apparently the walking is a good idea after all.   The rest of the day was spent icing my lower back a few times, drinking tons of water and trying to eat a little bit more of a healthier diet. It was stranger and slower than I'm used to. But it was a workout. Small victories right now...                    

Back To Square One...

      WARNING STATEMENT:

   First off let me apologize to those of you who've clicked on this blog hoping to read about the epic exploits of a 40ish something distance runner, logging weekly double digit mileage, knocking out races left and right, running non-stop for 610 days and who's hoping to break into the ultra-marathon running scene. Nope you won't find that here. So if that's what you're looking for you may want to find another running blog to read. But, before you leave please skip the next 27 paragraphs and go directly to paragraph 30. I guess you could say the blog's advertising is a little misleading...

   If you decided that you're gonna stick around to go the distance, let me give you a little background about me and where I'm coming from. I'm a nobody. I didn't play sports as a kid. Mainly because I was too obese. At 15 I weighed my heaviest at 220 lbs. I had a 42 inch waist size. I hated doing anything physical, especially running. 

   Then, through a series of events that included me going through a delayed growth spurt, moving away from an unhealthy diet, starting high school and my father passing away I lost 60 lbs. during one trans-formative summer. I literally became a different person altogether. Nobody who grew up with me recognized me. Throw in a little depression over my father's death and teenage hormones and it became the most difficult time of my life. 

   Thankfully I survived those challenging years and came out the other end someone who maybe didn't hate running as much as I once thought I did. Through the years I fell more and more in love with the once hated sport. I liked that I didn't have to prove myself to anyone other than myself. There were no Wednesday night games, no trophies or team jerseys to buy. Running is one of the most intimate sports out there. What you put in is what you get out all on your own time. It's all up to you how far and where you go. 

   As time grew, running became a solid fixture in my life. I weight-trained and ran to keep healthy. I put in a lot of time in the gym and got a lot out. But I wasn't satisfied. It quickly became apparent that I was never going to have a body like Arnold, no matter how much dedicated lifting that I did. But running was another story completely. There was no standard to have to compare to. Only the miles were there to judge me. I made gradual, visible improvements over time and found an inner strength that amazes me still today. I had dreams of racing a locally well known and loved 10K. But my inner voice kept telling me I was still that little fat kid who wasn't good enough to ever run or race.

   I met a beautiful little social worker who I quickly fell in love with and shared all of my inner most thoughts. She didn't know it yet, but she was destined to become my wife someday. Looking back on our time together I laugh. Just like coming from my law enforcement perspective, you're never off-duty. The skills you learn professionally carry over into your personal life no matter how much you try to stop it. She had me analyzed, categorized and assessed by the end of our first date. She listened to my dream of racing that 10K and posed the inevitable questions, "Why aren't you a runner and why not race the 10K?" Every time my inner doubt offered her reasons why not to do it, she batted them down with good reasons why I really should. 

   I did my research, I trained, I ran a 5K to get my feet wet. Before you know it my dream of running the Lilac 10K became a reality. Not only did she ignite the fire of my running engine, she started me down a path following my ultimate dream of becoming a distance runner.

   If you Google the definition of what a "distance runner" is you get over 500,000 different pages. Wikipedia states a distance runner or endurance runner is someone who runs race distances of 5K (3.1 miles) or more. But I think that it's something much more complex than a simple definition. After taking a step into the world of distance running you soon discover that it's done in many different ways using many different techniques, training methods and spans race distances from the 5K up into the 100 mile range. In my opinion it can be many different things to many different people. But there's one standard among them all; you need to put up some mileage to get the coveted title. 

   Over the next 12 years I racked up some distance and then some. Over 27,00 miles! Amazing still to think about that. I read everything I could get my hands on about running. I watched everything I could related to running. I experimented with my training. I made mistakes. I learned. I ran many, many more races. I found my limits and pushed myself through them. About three years ago I finally got it right and had my breakthrough year. I finished a marathon in under four hours smashing my former PR (personal record). I was in the best condition of my entire life weighing what I did in high school. I went on to set two more PR's in other race distances that great year! All the while that same amazing little social worker cheering me on; but now with a little man in tow. 

   Breakthroughs like that have a way of opening your eyes to a bigger world. What you once thought impossible becomes just out of reach. Difficult to attain; but totally possible with lots of dedication and hard work. I fulfilled my long standing goal of becoming a PT (physical training) instructor in my career. I fulfilled another running goal and dived head first into the run-net community authoring my first running blog and recording my first running video podcast. I loved it! So much energy! How could you not become addicted to contributing to such a positive group of athletes? As a matter of fact, running is one of the only sports where you can line up on race day with world record holders, Olympians and regular people. All are welcome and I've yet to meet a runner, professional or amateur, who isn't friendly, willing to offer their experience, expertise and encouragement for the price of a simple handshake.  

   I decided why stop there and set out on another goal. I ran a mile a day for 366 days in a row documenting the adventure with the my blog and video podcast. Running that much for that long shows you things about yourself and takes you places few runners ever go. I ran, I grew even more and came out of the experience someone much different than the man who ran his first 10K a long time ago. It touched and changed my life so much that I didn't stop on the 366th day. I even bettered my marathon PR time again! 

   Then came this year. I decided to keep on going with the running streak and also decided that it was time to shoot for yet another running goal, run my first 50K. I did some research, developed a training plan and signed up for my local marathon as a training run and two different 50K races later this Fall. 

   In my opinion, being a distance runner means going to those scary places within yourself where everything screams doubt at you, where you deal with insane amounts of fatigue and learn to take comfort in the pain of the long road. In order to run for such long distances requires you to break yourself down a little each time so that you can run longer the next time. Fatigue, aches and training pains became something I was very familiar with. Not bad pain mind you. Just the kind that lets you know you're working hard. 

    People ask me all the time how I run distances like I do. It's not complicated. One foot in front of the other. Always thinking positively. Constantly moving forever forward. I'm not a robot or genetically gifted. I'm a regular human being like you. I trained. I suffered. I got stronger. Over the past three years I've become quite good at riding that fine line between over-training and successful-training. It's an extremely thin, slippery and small line. 

   My ultra training was progressing as it should. I'd been nursing some hip and lower back pain all training season. But they were something I could deal with. Two weeks ago I decided to run a race that I've been eyeing for quite some time. It's called the Tour De Pain and consists of a 5K race, followed by a mile race, followed by a 400 meter sprint. All one after the other. I ran the race and was reminded yet again that my running strengths don't lay within sprinting. Horribly organized race. But I felt good an gave it my all. I was rewarded with a new PR in the mile distance. Another sign I was doing good things with regards to my training! It felt amazing to still be making great strides two days before my 41st birthday.

   The following days however were marked with a dramatic increase in that nagging hip and lower back pain. It got worse and worse each following day. Until I couldn't walk any longer and my wife forced me to go to an urgent care center. I was sure it was just a deep muscle strain. Nothing to seriously worry about.  

   A week later after x-rays, a MRI, much pain medication, consulting my chiropractor, primary care doctor and spinal surgeon I was horrified to find that it was anything but the simple muscle strain I thought it was. To have someone ask you if you were in the military as a paratrooper because your back was that bad is scary. To have someone talk with you in disbelief that you ran such long distances and raced well with a back like that can leave you speechless. My official diagnosis was that I had a narrowing of my spinal canal, had a disc protruding from the left side of my spine and a disc protruding from the center of my spine. I couldn't walk, run and when I tried was rewarded with nausea and dizziness. I made the incredibly difficult decision to end my streak at 609 days and withdraw from all of my scheduled Fall races. I couldn't even work and was placed on extended sick leave. 

   Lucifer himself couldn't have picked a better version of a living hell for me if he'd tried. I'm an active, healthy guy, with a Type-A personality who's a long distance runner used to doing everything for himself and his family. To say that this has affected me is an physically and emotionally is a huge understatement. It's difficult to sit and be inactive, let people do things for me, watch, read or see anything related to running. I've painfully discovered that over the last 12 years I've woven running into the very fabric of my life. It's how I define myself, how others see me, it's all over my house, tattooed on my body, enjoyed by my family members, on my computer, saved in my iPod, incessantly popping up on my iPhone, found in my book collections, on my Nook and intertwined throughout my social media experience and persona. Try as I may to ignore it, I can't. It's changed from something in my life that's provided a lot of joy to something that incredibly saddens me because I can't do it right now. 

   There's a lot information out there about my type of back injury. Much of it confusing and contradictory. Instead of focusing on the confusion it's time to focus on what I do know. My  spinal doctor has verified that I didn't get this injury from distance running. Due to the fact that I can't pinpoint a single traumatic back related event it's plausible to conclude that I most likely got this way from genetic factors and years of unnecessary heavy weight-training. Sorry anti-running fans. You can't blame running on this one!

   Much of the information I found is about 50/50 with how bad this injury will be. Half of it says it's a life-changing, long-term condition that will drastically decrease what I'm going to be able to do and enjoy in my life. This half says surgery is the only solution that ultimately, rarely offers any sustainable relief. Luckily, my doctors are of the other half who like to try every non-invasive treatment first before deciding on surgery. This half says the exact opposite; there's a good chance this will completely heal and I'll be able to do everything that I used to do before. Minus wasting my time squatting thousands of pounds in a sweaty gym.

   Over the past two weeks I've been reassured by some of my pretty fucking amazing friends and family that this isn't the end I feel like it is. There were days that I really needed to hear that. It can get pretty bad when you can't even get out of bed in the morning to go to the bathroom. The feeling of hopelessness can be overwhelming at times. To hear stories from some of them who sustained this same injury or worse that this was recoverable was incredible news. They were able to go back to doing what they loved to do, bike, swim and run. When you run within the circle of distance runners you meet a caliber of person who regularly accomplishes things that seem superhuman. It's really good to have superhuman family and friends pulling for you at a time like this. 

   I know myself better than anyone. I'm not the type of guy who's going to sit by and watch the race of my life go by outside a living room window. So my own self-treatment started last Saturday. I did some more intelligent research and started back strengthening exercises, restarted my yoga practices, showed my foam roller some love, got a TENS (transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation) unit, drank water like it was wine, stocked up on my running related supplements, went on some excruciatingly painful treadmill walks and sat back to enjoy the non-running related things in my life. Yes, there's more to life than running!  

   Since last Friday I've been taking Gabapentin, a prescription nerve medication and Meloxicam, a prescription NSAID (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory medication). Neither of which have strikingly proven effective with trial testing. I haven't noticed them doing very much other than giving me insomnia. So I'm going to try to stop them to see what happens. My official medical treatment started yesterday. My doctor used x-rays to guide steroid injections into the right side of my spine. Painful, hilarious at times and strange feeling. One to seven days for it to take effect. Scheduled another round in two weeks. I started my official PT re-hab today. I'n a sick kind of distance runner way I was looking forward to being tested, broken and rebuilt. I threw practically my entire life history at the girl in a single breath for five minutes. I made her smile when I said tell me what to do so I can do it twice as hard. Easiest patient she had today! I even knew most of the exercises she recommended. But I've got a lot of work ahead of me and I start tomorrow! My doctors say best case scenario, I'm back in action by the end of the week. Most likely It'll be in a month. Worst case, I'll need back surgery. But I'm staying positive. I was actually able to stand up and walk straight today!

   Regardless of my recovery time I still don't think a 50K is in my future for 2014. Although, I'm not forgetting that particular challenge anytime soon. Just putting it back of the running dream shelf. Maybe I don't need to do any kind of organized race or crazy running challenge at all this year? With all this free time on my hands I've had a lot of time to think about where I want my running to go for the rest of my life. Look down the long road ahead. It's gotten me too far to banish it from my life forever. The doctor even said that running won't make this problem any worse and it may even help it by supplying extra blood flow to the injured area. But, one thing at a time. Still can't quite run just yet. 

   If you've followed me in the past then you know that I like to start a different blog every time that I take on a new challenge. It was an amazing journey documenting my 366 Project and 5 Miles More attempt writing two different blogs. But to be honest it's an incredible pain in the ass to create a new blog every time I get a crazy running idea and take the time to present it the way that I think it deserves. So, this is it. No more separate blogs. You'll still find links to the others here and YouTube channel. But this is going to be the one and only from now on. Pardon the continued construction over the next few months to Blogger, YouTube, Facebook and Google+. Better, stronger, faster!     

   I'm not sure what the future holds for me. I've been thinking about all of my personal running experience through the years and where I want it to go in the future. I've seen beautiful things, experienced incredible events, discovered much about myself, been scared out of my mind, met some of the best people in the world, gotten madder than hell with myself, failed a lot, worked harder than I ever thought possible, experienced incredible pain, felt deep sorrow and at times, found the incredible power that lies within myself to do incredible things. It's time to talk more about that. Oh, if there were things I knew before I most likely injured my back. I'm no coach, but I think I've got some interesting things to offer other runners and athletes.    

   The awesomeness of distance running isn't in the numbers, the stats, the races, the PR's or the medals. Yes, those things are totally awesome! But at the beginning of every run, no matter who you are, what your ability is, or where you come from it's always a little bit of a gamble. You could have the run of your life or wind up tasting the defeat of a lifetime. So many factors out of our control. It's like going back to square one each and every run. Each run is a new beginning. 

   If you've lasted this long reading my new blog then I guess maybe you're interested in going the distance with me. Just when you think you've got the race won, something comes out of nowhere to put a snag in your so thought-out, flawless race strategy. This isn't going to be easy for me. I'll talk about everything and everything here. Running and my other parts of my life. It won't be pretty at times. But I promise you, it'll be honest and ridiculously funny. I'll stumble. I'll fall. But I promise you, I'll get back up and keep trying. I'll throw some interesting stuff I've learned up here from time to time. Talk about stuff that worked for me. Talk about stuff that didn't work at all. Review some good products. Reboot the video podcast. Catch you up on some helpful books. Promote the run-net community. Push the shit out of my friends running related products and stories. Write a ton! I've got a lot of spare time! I'm also interested in hearing from you, who you are, where you've been and where you're going. I don't know everything and I'm looking forward to hearing what you know. Most importantly I'm going to take a much needed step back from the seriousness of topping whatever the hell I did the year before.       

   Funny how life slows down in between those miles when you can't run them. It's been eye opening to see how many miles and races run have led me back to where it all began in the first place. Where it begins every damn time. Back to Square Run. If you come back again I'll do my best to make it worth your time. At least you can laugh at my stupidity. To my family and friends, you honor me with your love, devotion and unending encouragement. Behind every good distance runner is a better distance pit crew. You folks are why I'm so successful. Thank you. 

PARAGRAPH 30:

   Sorry about all that gibberish in the previous 27 paragraphs. Totally not worth the read if you ask me. Just please do me a small favor before you leave. No, don't go back and read them. You'll only be wasting your valuable running time. Just promise me you'll come back to this blog on September 10, 2015. If you keep your promise and remember to do this you'll find a still 40ish something distance runner author and ten very interesting things:

1.   An even better kick ass running blog!

2.   A link to a even more entertaining YouTube running channel!

3.   Numerous plans to do epic shit (If epic shit hasn't been done already)!

4.   Mileage running logs denoting double digit weeks! 

5.   Numerous plans to run races! 

6.   Possibly a running counter on day number two of a new non-stop running           streak!

7.   Plans to possibly break into the ultra-marathon running scene (albeit a little       slower)!

8.   A humbled, simple man.

9.   Surrounded by incredible family and friends too good for him to deserve.

10. Who rebuilt himself from the ground up, from square one, into something           better than he was before...

   I'll leave you then with a decision to make and a quote from one of my favorite running authors George Sheehan,-"It's very hard in the beginning to understand that the whole idea is not to beat the other runners. Eventually you learn that the competition is against the little voice inside you that wants you to quit."

This isn't the end. It's a new beginning. A chance to become stronger than before. Someday soon I'll return to it. Back to square run. From sun up till sun down, every damn day...